Joy

by Esther Stanton Bene

Black disabled intersectional poetess 
Mom and sister, 
Creative mind finding Joy in Resistance 
 
Note – This poem is an open invitation to grant ourselves permission to find joy in resistance, in togetherness, in ourselves, and to believe that this may be a way to heal ourselves. 

we took our blankets outside to the trampoline and laid there secretly watching the stars 

sure we could get up to jump at any time into that endless sky and land in another world 

but what was the rush, really? this little town of ours was an entire universe of its own 

every single door on my street was an unlocked portal where they still knew my name 

it was so very strange how the clock started ticking and my world started shrinking 

friends moved and we stopped playing and we sat around in our rooms asking 

‘what should we do?’ and ‘where should we go?’ and ‘why is it so quiet?’ 

suddenly everyone who knew our names also knew our failures 

and when we looked into the stars, they seemed just like eyes 

shining, watching, telling us who we were supposed to be 

telling us to grow up faster and not grow at all 

but we needed someone who could show us 

could show us that space in between 

who we used to be and 

who we could 

one day 

be 

someday 

how could we 

keep our universe large 

and grow like nobody was watching 

in a room that had enough room for us 

and get to fall in love and to fall back out again 

and get to make mistakes and make them right again 

and have the space to feel time and the time to be in our space 

staring at our own star lights exploring what could make them shine 

and maybe we would like to be like children running through the streets 

and other times we would like to be grown up enough to get to own that street 

and maybe we want both and nothing and everything, and it’s all a big beautiful mess